Sunday, March 20, 2011


I must assume that the promise of a new life still alludes me as I continue to live in some state of fog. This entire process frightens me, partially because I don't have the strength or stamina I did in the past and without an image of a lovely destination, it feels somewhat like a burden versus a promise. Everyday feels like a huge challenge which is so unrealistic and no doubt as a result of PTSD which rears it's ugly head every morning and leaves me so depleted. I know that with each step forward, that should improve and I will feel like I am closer to realizing my dream. Had no idea that this would be such a difficult mental and physical challenge.

So grateful that I don't have the pressure of having to move by a certain date. This can take as long as is needed. However, I wish I could hire someone to just take over the whole thing. No doubt, I have much to learn with this experience. It's tough however to embrace a new future when one has felt trapped and isolated for so long. Agoraphobia became and aspect as well.

I will however persevere.

~ Tutte ~