Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Beyond the Shock of Good News

Oh, how I long for the comfort of my bed and a long nights sleep. Ever since I received the good news, I have returned to a profound state of insomnia and anxiety that I was totally unprepared for. I wake up after an hour or two from being so busy planning, sorting and packing in my mind. After however many days, I went down for a nap at 5pm yesterday and slept until 2 this morning. That is when I have usually been awake but at least I had a good sleep prior to. So now I have been up all day again. I actually have managed to be quite productive and took a trunk load full of clothes and books to the Charity Bins and a couple of huge garbage bags to the dumpster. I thought the best way to start this process was to get rid of everything, however painful and difficult to part with in the past and that's what I did. Including my favorite garden, art and cooking books. There's an old saying, "If you haven't looked at it or used for three years, get rid of it." The only thing I couldn't part with was my beautiful fur coat that I haven't worn in 30 years and probably never will again but it's the only reminder of what a glamorous and adventurous life I led in my youth. Occasionally I like to stroke my hands across the softness of the fur. Couldn't give it to a consignment store since no one will wear a fur coat anymore. However this coat was a lifesave for me when I lived in Montreal and had to walk to and from work in the coldest of temperatures.

I have discovered that packing without having a destination is much more difficult. I like to visualize where I will place things once I am in my new space. So this is a first for me but another learning curve and I am glad I have the patience to take this one step at a time. Anxiety took over again this week and as usual it always affects my mouth and tongue that it has been on fire again.

Hopefully with finding a much needed little nest in which to find comfort, many of my stress related problems will disappear. God I hope so.

Picked up some boxes today so will begin methodically to pack. I need to clear off the stuff on my furniture first so I have some space to put a box. This is a new experience for me and requires some level of creativity since I have no space whatsoever. No space whatsoever. But I know it will all work out and I will find a lovely home shortly. My hope is by May 1st.

~ Tutte ~