Sunday, October 3, 2010

The Distress of Waking Up

I recently went through a major period of insomnia and then all of a sudden it changed. Why, I'm not sure. Perhaps because I was having this wonderful dream a few nights ago in which I had just won $285,000 from the Lottery and was so overjoyed and relieved. I was envisioning how I could share this with my boys and make their lives easier and I was projecting how my life would change and all the things I would be able to do. A newfound freedom that I have so desperately craved for much too long. I was on my way to the bank to deposit the cheque when I woke up for a pee. The difference between the joy of the dream and the nightmare of my reality hit me like a brick. I still haven't recovered.

My insomia was left in the dust by waking up too early, and I was unable to stay awake until midnight that evening. I have been in a pattern of not being able to stay awake past 10pm and then waking up around 6. I hate that. Makes an unproductive day much too long and far more stressful. A long sleep however, beats insomnia but I would like to find an equilibium. Wake up at 10am and go to bed at 2am. Perhaps one of these days.

~ Tutte ~