Tuesday, October 5, 2010


Is a new aspect of my personality that I am having to confront at this time of life. I have never/ever been jealous or envious prior to. Now I am being forced to look at this darker side of myself and I don't like it.
However, based on my circumstances and constantly being reminded of all the activities and choises that my friends have in order to experience their lives to the fullest, I AM ENVIOUS. It's wonderful and I am so happy on their behalf and hope those experience will continue for them. They should barring some health problems since they have the means. But it is a huge reminder to me of what different paths our lives are on and why I am no longer able to relate to them or they to me. I hate being in this situation. I don't desire/need cruises, new homes, dinners out etc. I just need to know I can survive tomorrow.
Is in any wonder I feel so isolated and have had to distance myself? I just don't want to be reminded of the disparity between myself and others.

~ Tutte ~