Cigarettes, still have to have a few every day but having to go outside has been a major lifestyle change that I am not happy with. Just wish I could go out on the balcony for the odd puff when the craving becomes intense. That's all I need at this point. It really has had a major impact on so many levels. Would never have done this had I not been forced to financially. I have smoked 30 cigs. a day for 55 years and yet when in the hospital and all kinds of tests, it appeared much to everyone's surprise but mine, that my lungs are clear. Haven't had a cold or cough for the last 12 years. Probably because of my isolation from the general public so not exposed to all the crap spread around by everyone else and the environment. Cigarettes has become the scapegoat IMO from having to look at all the other factors in our environment. Chemicals are present in everything we use or buy. Plastics particularly and cleaning products. Still think it would be helpful if everyone never picked up and lit the first one. I did when I was 12 and there was no information in terms of health risks. The train I took to work every morning for an hour even had special Smoking Cars. Every desk in the office was provided with an ashtray. Every armrest on a plane had one as well. It was a very acceptable aspect of normal life. In fact, it was considered the polite thing to do back then when you took out your package that you would pass it around to anyone nearby. My God how times have changed. It makes me realize how long I have lived when I can recall having no indoor toilet.
Gardening, drive around my neighbourhood every day to see what is coming into bloom and making some new discoveries. I have a balcony but no desire to have plants because my focus has always been on Perennials. Probably will never wake up in time to sit out in the morning to enjoy them. The truth is, I really have no interest this year. Perhaps if I could sit there enjoying my cup of coffee and cigarette with lovely music in the background, I would find it more enticing. Something has to shift in the way I live my life and what I can get excited about. The outlay of money is also a major concern. With the little I have monthly, do I want to get some new clothes or spend it on a few plants? I have lost so much weight that I have nothing to wear during the hot summer months.
Laughter. A daily stomach aching and tears rolling down the cheeks laughter that was part of my life with my husband for 20 years. Nothing is more stress relieving or joyful. Miss that more than I am fully aware. So little on the TV anymore to watch that provides for that outlet versus the 'Golden Years of Humour' during the 50's - 60's.
The lack of Anxiety and Depression.
Most of all 'peace of mind'.
PTSD is playing a major part in terms of my ability to enjoy whatever pleasures are still available to me. Since my fall it's reared it's ugly head once again and I am currently struggling. Wish there was a pill or something to relieve this burden. Expect all other sufferers feel the same. Will it ever go away.... I expect not. It's become part of the psyche. How does one erase the cause? Impossible! There will always be triggers as we encounter life and the unexpected. I am never aware of what the triggers are until a month or so later when I experience the aftermath. That is just as traumatic as the trigger. Hate this state of being.
~ Tutte ~