Thursday, March 24, 2011

Waterloo Bridge - a Trip Down Memory Lane

This movie was made the year of my birth but didn't see it until I was in my teens and I had never forgotten it. Always put it in my favorite category of old movies. I have so many. Robert Taylor and Vivian Leigh. Always thought Robert Taylor was so handsome. Perhaps it was the Widows Peak in his hairline? Have to look up the origin of that term. According to Wikipedia, A descending V-shaped point in the hairline in the middle of the forehead.

Wish they would make movies like this today but Society has changed too much. There are few really good story lines and no romance left. The best movies of the distance past were those that didn't have a happy ending. Today it's all about how quickly can you get in the sack. So Sad!!!!! I'm so blessed to have experienced romance as it taught me much about men /relationships and what a romantic being I am. That aspect of me has brought much joy to my life.

I haven't watched a movie for at least 10 years but when I stumbled upon this one, I knew I had to watch it. Brought up so much nostalgia and memories along with the awareness of what a brilliant actress Vivian Leigh was. Her eyes expressed more than words. Who can forget her in "Gone with the Wind". An all time favorite movie. Have seen it countless times even on the isle of Rhodes in Greece.

But most importantly it reminded me of how much I need a comfy chair in a cozy environment perhaps with one or two candles lit where I can escape into the world of movies again. To escape the constant treadmill of my mind. I realized tonight what a huge relief it was versus the constant influx of negative news that I usually watch. As long as I only have my PC chair in front of my TV, I am always tempted to have my fingers involved with something to do on the PC so that seems my escape. I can listen to the same repeated news while doing something else. There is so little on the TV that interests me any longer. This situations needs to change dramatically so I have more balance in my life. I have become so totally bored and frustrated with it after 7 years that I am ready to crawl out of my skin. Doubt anyone can relate. Just didn't know what else to do with myself. My hubby and I always watched movies and even after he died, I would rent movies to watch on Sunday mornings. Loved those made in China and India. So many are brilliant.

This was a new discovery tonight and one that might motivate me to get my act in gear re packing and looking for My Nest. If only PTSD wouldn't be something I have to deal with every morning. It's hard to describe to others but it stops me in my tracks in terms of motivation and energy. My heart beats out of my chest and I can barely breath. It's really feeling like having a heart attack. If I ever should have one, I don't think I would recognize the difference. I hate having this disease and have no idea yet how to overcome it. Pills help somewhat. My hope is that a new place will provide a sense of peace so I won't have to deal with it any longer. For now, it's a huge hurdle I have to overcome, mentally primarily as well as physically. It's all based in Fear so I have to continue to ask myself, what is it I fear about this moving process? I still haven't come up with an answer since I have moved so often. Nothing makes sense on a rational level but PTSD is not a disease based in rationality. It must be the uknowningness that I have had to face too often.

~ Tutte ~