Sunday, August 22, 2010

All Tied Up in Knots Tonight

I am on the verge of another major anxiety attack tonight as I received another poisonous letter from my Nemesis. Totally unwarranted as usual and so filled with hatred, judgments and misperceptions. This has been happening all my life and have tried to practice tolerance and forgiveness and denying myself the temptation to retaliate. Should I go down that path, I would not be able to live with myself.

I have become wise enough over the years to realize that what she projects towards me is really a reflection of herself. So glad I do because it makes me very aware what a wounded soul she really is. She must have so much self-loathing inside. That saddens me more than what she does to me and why I have continued to forgive her and reach out. It's difficult for me to come to terms with having a family member who is so totally lacking of Empathy and Compassion. I wonder what happened to her in childhood or even before that to create this type of person? I will never receive an answer I expect.

I just hope I can let it go once again so I can have enough peace of mind to fall asleep. If not, I will take a sleeping pill. Have only done that once before.

~ Tutte ~