Wednesday, August 18, 2010

A Shower of Tears

I never answer my phone. Both the Answering Machine and Ringer on the phone are turned off. I rarely get a call except from Marketers and since my sleeping pattern is all over the map, I don't want to be interrupted when I finally fall asleep. However, late this afternoon, I saw the light flickering so picked up the receiver. It was my Best girlfriend wanting to know how I was doing. I so rarely speak and discovered once I began, I was overcome by a flow of tears that was so unexpected that I could barely speak. I only cry when someone asks how I am doing (even at my GP's office, & so embarrassing) and perhaps why I don't want to talk. Just can't stand the way the tears make me feel. I suppose because I spend all my waking hours suppressing all my feelings for fear of going totally insane. I have spent the last 30 years STUFFING them down. I went into an Anxiety attack afterwards although there wasn't anything to upset me about our conversation. I love her immensely and appreciate her constant concern and support. Why can't I react normally anymore is the question?

~ Tutte ~