I have always been an Observer standing somewhere outside the stream of every day life and relationships. Perhaps why I have never participated much in conversations nor recall many. I recall my impressions and perception versus words and the feelings I experienced in the process. I find it far more interesting to listen. People reveal much more about themselves than their actual words convey. Most are unable to listen to others as they have a need to inject and interrupt. I find this difficult to deal with as it doesn't allow for a continuing thread of thought. Especially now as I have gotten older and it becomes more difficult to remember where I left off. The outcome I expect, is that I will share less and less. What is the point anyway if no one hears what I am saying. Having lived in isolation for so many years and with my own thoughts, I am unfamiliar with having them interrupted so no doubt I am out of step with the rest of the world. I expect people do this because they know they have to talk quickly otherwise they won't be heard. It's a sad state of affairs. Fortunately I was married to a man who was a fantastic listener. He would come home from a plane trip and share his seat companion's entire life history. Probably why I fell in love with him initially. Someone finally allowed me to speak and listened attentively and with genuine interest.
Why this came up tonight is because I went out for a smoke and stood on the same walkway as I did last night. I had inadvertendly stepped on a snail and noticed a few hours later a slug was gorging himself on the remains. Tonight when I returned, he was still in feeding mode but an hour later had eaten the entire thing. I wondered to myself, how many people would have been aware of this occurence. I expect very few. But that is how I have lived my life and why I loved my gardens. They provided me with a window into all the different aspect of what goes on in a garden on many levels. Above or below ground. I miss that more than I can express. I felt so grounded in that environment.
So much more satisfying, rewarding and life enhancing to be an observer and a listener.
~ Tutte ~
