I knew I was addicted but had no idea how much. Am learning quickly now that I have been trying for months to give it up.
I have now determined the hold it has on me and I resent it profoundly. Can't stand having to sneek around to have a puff outdoors, going for a drive, being question by the manager and feeling guilty all the time. It's no wonder I don't have peace of mind even after having created a lovely nest. Can't stand the feeling of guilt. So opposite to my natural state of being.
Since tomorrow is the day for Trick or Treats, I am going to Treat myself by going Cold Turkey. Have tried an electronic cigarette and an inhalor and none seem to work. I know it is because I haven't been able to make a firm commitment to quitting. Can I pull this off, I have no idea. Will wear a patch upon waking.
Can't stand the way I am living currently. I should be in a happy space but it's become the opposite as I struggle with this demon. So much harder to do when I don't have a personal desire. I would never give up this 50 year comforter of mine if I could still afford it and didn't have to sneak around.
Will update in the future.
~ Tutte ~
