It's been doing a little of both today and I don't really care unless I am housebound which I am not tonight.
I continue to cope with all the stimulations of this season. I just want to distance myself from it all. I have written to all my friends who would normally drop by with a gift or flower, not to do so. It was a very difficult letter to write.
In the past I have not opened my door or responded to the buzzer. Not even answered my phone. I just can't pretend any longer that I am not home. I don't want to protect others anymore from my Reality regardless of how it might hurt them as they attempt to express their Good Intentions and Christmas Spirit. I love them for having the desire.
Sadly, the Xmas Spirit is totally void in me......Hopefully it will return someday.
~ Tutte ~
