The Entry below is how I wish I would see myself when I look in the mirror as I age. But the above image is far more reflective and relative. It's title is "The Desperation of Old Age".
I could relate to the previous image until the last 10 years when regardless of my age, I felt pretty and feminine. With everything I have endured in the subsequent years, I relate far more to this image.
With the onslaught of PTSD, the loss of my hair, upper teeth, the profound weight loss and skin problems, I have lost any semblance of femininity. To apply Make Up would be a useless exercise. It would be like putting Make Up on a Corpse. That is what reflects back at me when I look in a mirror. A shell of the vibrant person I once was. I don't think there is anyway to recapture that. I live in a building with a lot of older women who still maintain that spark. It passed me by and it saddens me greatly.
~ Tutte ~
