Ohhh, for a soothing massage.

Sure could use Arch's gentle hands to help move all the fluid away from my foot. God it is painful.

~ Tutte ~

Pain

It's been two weeks since my fall and this week I have been in greater discomfort and it continues to get worse. I expect that is part of the healing process. It's a nasty looking knee that has a 4" x 2" inch covering of what looks like hard black patent leather. A scab of some sort. None who have viewed it have ever seen anything similar. It didn't occur because of a cut but a hematoma.

It began to bleed as I dried it after my shower today. The edge of the scab seperated from the healthy tissue. I expect this will continue to occur incrementally. I attempt to keep it moist so it won't dry and crack before healing has occured underneath. I am quite fearful of an infection with an open wound. Lots of strange sensations/pain on the inside as I guess nerve endings are trying to reconnect.

My leg and foot are twice their nomal size and my foot hurts like hell and difficult to stand on. Black and blue as gravity played it's part with all the fluid in my knee that had no other place to go. I expect this will take a long time to heal. I can bear the pain and remain grateful for not having had far greater injuries or broken bones. It seems I always have an angel on my shoulder.

~ Tutte ~

Cats

Came across a cat tonight. Rare in this neighbourhood. Reminded me of how grateful I am for having this companion all my life. Have had many over my 65 years. Won't have another sadly, since I have no idea of what my future health or longevity will be. Today I look at photos and videos to remind myself of what wonderful companions they are for those of us who appreciate their unique characteristics and independent spirit. Have had a dog as well, who was sweet and I loved her but can't help but gravitate towards cats. Why? I don't know.....and it doesn't matter.

~ Tutte ~

Bittersweet Memories

This was my Mantra for years until I met my beloved husband Arch. I expect that having played all those games prior to meeting him, prepared me for what REAL LOVE is and how to recognize, trust and appreciate it when it unexpectedly came into my life. GOD answered my prayer of meeting a man who was capable of loving me as much I knew I had the capacity to love him. The prayer was answered many times over since Arch loved me greatly and told me every day how much he loved, loving me. In fact, he loved me more than I loved him. I think if women would recognize that is the best balance and truly appreciate all that brings, they would think more clearly about who they choose. It's isn't the 'bad' boys that make the best husbands but it seems those are the ones we are attracted to in our youth. Still have to figure out why. I did the same and why I remained single until I was 29 and suffered many broken hearts. In retrospect, I learnt a lot so have no regrets. In fact, I am grateful regardless of the fact, that some of those memories still conjure up some pain.

~ Tutte ~

Time for Healing

Since my fall almost a week ago, I have been going through a healing process and it will take time. The impact to my knee and leg has been totally shocking and my knee looks like it has gone through a meat grinder. I expect because there is a metal plate inside that caused further and unexpected injuries (from knee replacement). The blood and fluids have extended behind my knee and down to my instep. My left leg and foot are twice it's normal size.

The strangest aspect of this, is the number of blisters that have occurred and has left me with a knee that is constantly draining. Small pinpoint holes in some spots. The areas where the blisters broke is now totally black. A hard surface. Why? I don't know. Finally took off the bandage today and was so surprised to see what a minimal cut I had. Obviously, all the injuries occurred on the inside. I haven't been to a doctor because I haven't felt there is anything unexpected pain wise and nothing he could do. If I thought my replacement had in any way been compromised, I would have.

Fortunately, it is not overly painful and I can tolerate all the discomfort. Continue to walk to keep the fluids moving. Healing on every/any level always takes time and I have become very patient over the years. This will as well. I am just so grateful I didn't break anything. Never have.

~ Tutte ~